A recap of last semester for those who studied abroad – a view from San Antonio Texas:
Winter break is kind of long. So long, I forgot about a lot of things, like everything I learned last semester … and my friends. But now I’m here again and it’s all starting to come back. My housemates refreshed me on their names, the 72-degree weather reminded me of why I go to school in Texas, and after a few glances at the directory, I was able to find Coates in no time. Talk about a trip down Memory Lane! However, there’s still one thing I don’t remember at all — everyone who studied abroad last semester. Who the hell are these people?
Summer break + fall semester + winter break = way too long for me to remember you. You want me to ask about your travels? I can’t even remember your name, much less which pretentious destination you “studied” in. Not to say I didn’t study abroad. I did. But first I consulted my father. He said, “So, Tyler, you want to study abroad? That’s understandable. I studied a few broads myself.” Cool, Dad.
People remembered me when I came back, but I’m Tyler Sanders. People know me. However, so much changed while I was gone; it was hard for me to adjust. Alejandro? Oil spills? Cell phones? I had no idea what was going on. So, for the sake of those who missed last semester, and to make up for me not knowing who you are, I’m going to fill you in on the events of last semester.
First, heads up, I’m a columnist for the Trinitonian. I know. Finally, right? This was by far the most important event of last semester. At first, I was the voice of the student body, but by mid-October, I had clearly established myself as the voice of a generation.
Then, there was the whole Intervarsity controversy. This was the most exciting thing to happen since Mabee got a sushi station. Two of the group’s leaders were fired for violating the organizations policies. But don’t worry, I settled the matter, making fun of the Christian group for having different beliefs than myself.
In October, our great president, Dr. Ahlberg was inaugurated. Although Ahlberg received his Ph.D. in economics, he’s also demonstrated a keen taste for prose. In the Trinitonian’s last edition of the semester, he elaborated, “I like reading the columns by Tyler Sanders. I think he’s a good writer.” Need I say more?
Halloween was devastating. Chipotle stopped doing their whole “get a free burrito if you’re wearing tinfoil” thing… I guess this was just a big deal for me.
Then some sort of election thing happened in November. Unlike the election thing in 2008, this past November, our generation focused its attention on the Twilight saga and “gettin’ slizzard.” Needless to say, Republicans won the House. Also, there is now a TV show called Sarah Palin’s Alaska. Please finish my column before you book your ticket back to your host country.
As the semester drew to an end, a new force filled the screens of campus computers: likealittle.com. It describes itself as “a ‘dangerously exciting’ anonymous flirting experience.” However, I think “a showcase of the raging hormones on your library’s third floor” would better describe it.
Emerging on campus right before finals, the timing was perfect. Likealittle even proved to conquer Facebook in its capacity for procrastination. Every student secretly tucked it behind Microsoft Word, only able to temporarily resist its licentious magnetism. Most posts were fake or “trollings,” but a small amount were of genuine lust. Knowing this — knowing that Eggplant could be a real person, hands in pockets, staring at you from across the library — that’s what kept it alive. In fact, I’m fairly certain I even used it to start an orgy one night. However, all things must pass, and like yourself, likealittle was completely forgotten about over winter break